NL West Preview - 2009

Baseball's most forgotten division, the NL West, hasn't yielded a World Series winner since 2001.  That's because the teams usually suck.  Will that change in 2009?  No.

1st Place - Los Angeles Dodgers

(2008 - 1st Place, 84-78)

I don't like to make these kind of statements, but the Dodgers are the only team with a shot in this division, and even they are not that good.  James Loney, Andre Either, and Matt Kemp are the solid young nucleus, and Joe Torre and Manny Ramirez always seem to find their way into the playoffs...because they are very good at what they do.  The rotation is not the best, but they have a solid bullpen behind Hong-Chih Kuo and Jonathan "Big Boy" Broxton.

2nd Place - San Francisco Giants

(2008 - 4th Place, 72-90)

The Gmen of baseball are anchored by their pitching; no secrets there.  The addition of Randy Johnson could help them, but their position players are too young and anonymous for the team to do anything special this year.  In fact, they are so anonymous that they danced in their underwear last night in Fisherman's Wharf and nobody knew it was them.  With a couple of free agent additions, this team might eventually be great, and can achieve something that everybody outside of San Francisco mistakenly believes they have already achieved; win a World Series in San Francisco.

3rd Place - Arizona Diamondbacks

(2008 - 2nd Place, 82-80)

Theirs was a more gradual choke job than the Mets, having started out at 24-8 and letting the season slip away from there.  But it probably should have never happened; this team probably has the best young talent in the division.  Augie Ojeda was a backup for Orlando Hudson!  Then again, I happen to believe that Brandon Webb, though he's won a Cy Young, is best suited to be a No. 2 pitcher in a rotation, and the problem with the D-Backs is that they believe he's a true ace.  

4th Place - Colorado Rockies

(2008 - 3rd Place, 74-88)

I'm only keeping them out of the cellar because the Padres didn't make any moves this offseason.  But has there ever been a bigger fluke that people were reluctant to admit was a fluke than the 2007 Rockies?  Mind you, what they did at the end of 2007 to get into the playoffs and World Series was nothing short of brilliant, but it was the definition of lightning in a bottle.  In fact, they were selling lightning in a bottle at Coors Field for $12 a bottle (only they removed the bottlecaps before selling them, so all of the lightning escaped, rendering the bottles unusable).  No Matt Holliday, no chance.

5th Place - San Diego Padres

(2008 - 5th Place, 63-99)

Adrian Gonzalez is the lone bright spot here.  They jettisoned Khalil Greene and Trevor Hoffman (finally).  The purgatory that this team finds itself in right now is retribution for their division titles during seasons in which the NL West was very weak.  And also for losing to the Cardinals in 2006, which allowed them to beat the Mets.  What do San Diego fans have to be optimistic about?  The beach.

"Irony" Doesn't Mean The Same Thing As "Coincidence"

Not to get all English teacher-y on your asses, but no, it doesn't.  Nevertheless, people tend to use the same words interchangeably because they don't pay attention.  For the convenience of my rabid readers, I have posted the Dictionary.com definitions of those words here:

Irony - An outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.

Coincidence - A striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance.

When something occurs that is ironic, there is/are concrete reasons for the occurrence to be unexpected.  An author who hates to read would be an example of irony, for it would be reasonable to expect that a person who writes books would have developed that craft through an enthusiasm for reading.  

By contrast, two people who discover that they share the same birthday and who label this situation as "ironic" are incorrect.  This is nothing but a mere coincidence.  Granted, the probability of any two people sharing a birthday is relatively low, but only probability makes this so, and so it's a coincidence.  Furthermore, when one discovers that they share a birthday with another, it can't be the opposite of what one expects.  Did you expect the person to be born on April 12th, or December 9th?  These aren't reasonable expectations.

So, sorry Alanis, but, "A No-Smooohoohking Sign On Your Cigarette Brea-ayay-ak..." is not ironic, because No Smoking signs are everywhere; in fact, it would be expected to see them.

Thank you for reading, and let us use the word correctly, not so much for our children's generation, but for our own.  

Here are some other terms that people tend to fuck up:

"I couldn't care less about Josh's blog" vs. "I could care less..." which one is correct to say when trying to sound dismissive?

Correct answer: THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!  If you "could care less" that means you already care!  That's why I take it as a compliment when people say that they could care less about me.  If you "can't care less," that means you already care so little that you have no capacity to go lower on the care scale.

New topic -- Consider this sentence. 

"Joe became disenfranchised with his native country of Steinland after he saw firsthand how poorly it treated foreigners."

Q: Who wrote this sentence?

A: Someone who doesn't know what disenfranchised means.

Disenfranchise - To deprive a person of a right of citizenship, such as the right to vote.

Is that what's going on here?  No.  What this person probably meant to write was:

Disenchant - To free from illusion or false belief; disillusion.

You're welcome,

Blogstein

AL Central Preview

I figured that since I previewed the NL Central already, I might as well keep the symmetry and cover the AL Central.  The world would have blown up if I hadn't kept this symmetry.

Anyway, here goes.  In the interest of avoiding confusion, I should let my rabid readers know that the won-loss records are the team's records from 2008.  I'm only interested in predicting where the team's finish, not records.  You shouldn't be gambling during these tough economic times, anyway!

1st Place - Chicago White Sox

(2008 - 1st Place, 89-74)

This is almost a pick out of spite than out of any real logic.  Who am I spiting, you ask?  The people who don't give the White Sox the respect they deserve.  The 2005 White Sox were arguably the most dominant baseball team since the 1998 Yankees; they won 99 games and then steamrolled through the playoffs, losing only 1 game total against teams with loads more postseason experience than they had in the Red Sox, the Angels, and the Astros.  Did they go to their bench even once in that playoff run?  They pretty much just said, "Here is our starting 9, here is our starting pitcher, and now we're going to beat the shit out of you."  Which is what they did every night that season.  In the process, they ended an 88-year old championship drought, which nobody cared about because the Red Sox ended an 86-year old drought the year before.

Why bring this all up?  Because they did it when no one saw it coming.  Last year, they did the same thing when no one saw it coming, defeating everyone's perennial darling, the Twins, in a one-game playoff to seal the AL Central Crown.  Not enough people admit it, but the White Sox have more championship pedigree than the teams people pick to win this division, and that includes the Tigers, the Indians, and yes, even the Twins.  I believe someone actually picked the White Sox to finish last in '09, which is laughable.  Maybe it's because media types don't like Ozzie Guillen, and that's fine, but please be objective when making your picks.  Nobody else in the division improved enough, although I would give the Indians a shot to win it, but nobody else.  I wish I could talk about their players more, but you didn't let me.  Around 90 wins for the Pale Hose.

2nd Place - Cleveland Indians

(2008 - 81-81, 3rd Place)

The success of the Indians rests on a couple of pitchers duplicating their 2008 performances.  Can Cliff Lee go 22-2 again?  Probably not.  Can he come close to repeating that, is what will be key.  Can new closer Kerry Wood stay injury-free (you will never see me use the word "healthy" interchangeably with "injury-free", by the way...HUGE pet peeve) as he did last year with the Cubs for the most part?  The lineup, anchored by Grady Sizemore of Grady's Ladies should score some runs, but after Cliff Lee and Fausto Carmona, the rotation is thin.  Carl Pavano is the 3rd starter, followed by Scott Lewis as the 4th and Anthony Reyes as the 5th, which means that by the season's second week, Lewis will be the 3rd starter and Reyes will be the 4th.

3rd Place - Minnesota Twins

(2008 - 2nd Place, 88-75)

They usually exceed every expectation, but when I look at the Twins I see a team that will play competitively in the beginning of the year but will sputter around mid-August.  Joe Mauer is having back problems, which could be a grave concern in a lineup that, when it includes Mauer, is not quite formidable.  But the key to the Twins' success, as with most teams, is its pitching, and the rotation is solid, if not great.  They will need Francisco Liriano to be injury-free if they hope to do anything this year, but there is no reason to believe he can come close to duplicating his stellar 2006 campaign, let alone stay on the field.  As for the bullpen, as long as Joe Nathan is there, the bullpen should never be a liability, because they never seem to have trouble getting to him.

4th Place - Detroit Tigers

(2008 - 74-88, Last Place)

People are starting to realize that the Tigers are bad.  At least that's what Mike Francesa says.  The organization hasn't seemed to recover from their poor showing in the '06 World Series when the pitchers literally threw the Series away.  Their quick downfall has been rather inexplicable, as they have only made upgrades to the lineup and the starting pitching has stayed the same.  I guess it's not quite that inexplicable...the bullpen has been torn to shreds in the last few years.  Joel Zumaya, who threw a deadly fastball and changeup, has not been able to stay on the field, and Todd Jones was removed from his closer role.  Will the bullpen be able to stay together to give the Tigers a surprise division title.  NO!  The White Sox are winning the division.

5th Place - Kansas City Royals

(2008 - 75-87 - 4th Place)

This is one team that needs to be good again, and last year, they finally avoided the cellar.  But to me, they need to avoid the cellar for a second straight year before I pick them to do anything exciting.  They do appear to be on the right track; Joakim Soria did a fine job closing games for them.  There were nice flashes from starting pitchers Zack Greinke and Brian Bannister.  And CF David DeJesus is coveted by many teams, as is middle infielder Mike Aviles.  John Buck is a mainstay at catcher.  There is light on the horizon, but this is the kind of team that needs to play perfectly to beat the big boys.

Uh Oh - The MTA is Pissing Me Off Again

It's really happening.  For those of you who visit this blog for current events updates, the MTA bus and subway fares will increase from $2 to $2.50 for single rides, and from $81 to $103 for a monthly MetroCard.  AND, there will be service reductions!

Now, I understand that the MTA may be experiencing the same negative effects of the crippled economy that most other businesses are feeling, but the MTA isn't like most other businesses. They have a monopoly on the service they provide; I don't see any private companies drilling holes in the ground to create their own subway network.  Because of this, I can't help but feel like they are bullying their customers into paying higher prices, simply because they can, and they can especially justify these fare hikes during an economic crisis. 

But why the hell should service be reduced?  Shouldn't the point of these fare hikes be that the quality, or lack thereof, of service remain the same, or--heaven forbid--improve?  Are we to believe that, with 8.5 million riders a day, a 50 cent increase in single ride fares and a $22 increase in Unlimited MetroCards will not be enough to maintain services, and to help save the jobs of most transit workers?  No.  We are not.  Therefore, the MTA blows.

Naturally, I have suggestions for the MTA to not blow.  Especially since our wallets are going to be eviscerated by them:

1. When a train is delayed, please do not address the customers as if it is their fault.

"DUE TO NECESSARY TRACK WORK, THIS MANHATTAN-BOUND F TRAIN IS NOW RUNNING ON THE METRO NORTH LINE.  PLEASE BE PATIENT!!!!!!!"

2. Please do not waste any funding on any gimmicks that nobody gives a fuck about, such as "The MTA Cares About Art!!!"  Nobody cares that someone has reproduced a Monet painting on a subway station wall.  At least, a well-adjusted person wouldn't care.  People DO care that your station smells like shit.  There is no need to "culture-ize" a subway station; there is plenty of culture above ground in New York.  I just want to get from Point A to Point B, and on weekends, possibly point C.  (I know, I know, not my line)

3. The sick passenger.  Find a way to deal with him faster.  You know that collective groan when the conductor announces that there is a sick passenger on board?  That's because the other passengers know it will be at least 40 minutes until the train moves again.  If the passenger was truly sick enough for the train to be stopped, then he or she should be dead in the time the MTA takes to get that person help.  Just ALERT the next station, MOVE there, have EMTs get him off the train as quickly as possible, and move on!

Seriously, that's a big one, especially during rush hour.  Employers are naturally skeptical, and the "sick passenger on the train" will always sound like a lie, no matter how truthful it is, because it's an airtight excuse.  We have to much to worry about once we are at work; the MTA doesn't need to give us reasons to worry about the ride to work.

4. I hope they have increased their fares for sponsors in the same way they have for their customers.  If you have to boot the "Learn English - Make Friends!!!" ads, then so be it...the logic of that statement is flawed, anyway.  And Dr. Jonathan Zizmor will just have to be like other doctors and NOT ADVERTISE ON A FUCKING TRAIN!!!"

That is all for now.  So, MTA President Elliot Sander, when you read this, please strongly consider the above four suggestions...let's just call them the "Fantastic Four."

Responding To Accusations That Haven't Been Made

Some people might think that I have missed the boat on this blogging thing.  If you are one of those people, then you are a retard.  To paraphrase Will Leitch, the founding editor of the popular sports blog Deadspin, blogging is merely just another form of writing.  Naturally, upon hearing this, Friday Night Lights author Buzz Bissinger told Leitch that he was "full of shit," complaining that because any schmuck can write a blog, the overall quality of blogs will be mediocre compared to any kind of published work, but Leitch more or less countered that if any schmuck could get his work published, then the quality of that published work would also reflect the general schmuck-dom of society (he should have put it like I have, don't you think?). Follow?  

I don't think I am saying anything earth-shattering here, but it's good to reiterate these ideas every so often.  Especially when they are the correct ideas, which they are.  Because I said them.

At any rate, blogging has been going on since our ancestors drew cave-paintings on the wall.  If you don't think cave-painting is a form of blogging, then you're not Tom Hanks.  Or his character in the DaVinci Code.

NL Central Preview

At the start of each baseball season, I like to preview the divisions...or at least try.  You will thank me for this later.

This year, I've decided to start with the NL Central; baseball's most Mid-Western, and therefore, hospitable division.

1st Place - Chicago Cubs

(2008 - 1st Place, 97-64)

Although this team crashed and burned yet again in the NL Division Series, and their offseason moves were suspect, (trading away Mark DeRosa, getting Aaron "Home Run" Heilman a.k.a AaRUN on their team) they didn't lose any of their important pieces.  Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Geovany Soto and company headline the best lineup in the division, and their rotation, led by Carlos Zambrano, is formidable if not great, and enough to lead them to a 90 win season, enough for this division.  They are, however, the Cubs, and that means disaster is always looming.  Homer Heilman cannot see any important moments if this team is to go far.

2nd Place - Cincinnatti Reds

(2008 - 5th Place, 74-88)

The Reds should make a tremendous leap this year (finally).  The rotation will be deceptively deep; who else can throw Edinson Volquez, Johnny Cueto, Aaron Harang, and Bronson Arroyo at you?  No one except the Reds, obviously.  This team is about young players who seem to be emerging simultaneously; they are set and solid at nearly every position.  Look for Jay Bruce to continue to develop, and Brandon Phillips, Jeff Keppinger, and Joey Votto to have breakout years.  I was tempted to pick them to win the division, but their lack of experience and bullpen depth will deliver them to a cruel, cruel 2nd place finish, around 85 wins.  Could that be enough for a wild card?  Probably not.

3rd Place - Houston Astros

(2008 - 3rd Place, 86-75)

They usually underachieve, then overachieve, then underachieve again.  So why will 2009 be different?  It won't.  Does this team even make offseason moves anymore?  Ok, Pudge Rodriguez will at least solidify their defense at catcher, but this is a franchise that seems to be either shellshocked from getting swept in the 2005 World Series, or completely satisfied that they made it there.  The lineup will still be tough and steroid-ridden as usual, and the rotation, which still has Roy Oswalt, is decent.  Jose "Scary Looking" Valverde is the closer, who manages to compile saves, if not that intimidating in an actual game situation.  Bottom line: Can give you a tough game or a stinker every night.  Which pretty much makes them like every other baseball team.  82-79!

4th Place - Milwaukee Brewers

(2008 - 2nd Place, Wild Card, 92-70)

Losing C.C. Sabathia was obviously big for them (you heard it here first).  As such, their starting rotation is in shambles, and their bullpen will be terrible.  Their young position players will buoy them; they are too good for the team to completely stink, but they will not be good enough to repeat their 2008 postseason appearance, which I hope was satisfying, for their sake.  Expect a .500 finish.  Hey, at least Willie Randolph is on the team!  

5th Place - St. Louis Cardinals

(2008 - 4th Place, 86-76)

Like the Astros, the Cards are another team that seemed to pour everything into getting a championship and then decided to rest on their laurels.  Unlike the Astros, the Cards actually won a championship.  But doesn't it seem that they haven't done anything to their team since?  I wouldn't be surprised if Tony LaRussa showed up to Cardinals camp this spring and did a double-take when he saw short stop Khalil Greene and said, "Hey, we got Khalil Greene?"  That's what the Cardinals feel like right now.  However, they still have the best hitter in the world in reigning MVP Prince Albert Pujols, and Tony LaRussa is always good for 10 additional wins (and a case of Keystone Light on the drive from St. Louis to Kansas City).  A slightly sub .500 finish.

6th Place - Pittsburgh Pirates

(2008 - 6th Place, 67 - 95)

Uggghhh.  Hopeless.  What is there to say?  For forever, they have been a glorified farm organization for other teams.  Tom Gorzelanny, who looked to be a stud, will toil in the minor leagues.  The rotation will still be a relative strength of this team, with Ian Snell, Zach Duke, and Paul Maholm, and Ryan Doumit will be a good player for them until he is traded away to a team that has hope at the trading deadline.  Supposedly, they received decent players in return for Jason Bay, Damaso Marte, and Xavier Nady last year, but I can't remember their names right now, and I'm not sure if Pirates fan do either.

Recent Think Pound Videos!

Hi, friends!

In case you haven't seen the new Think Pound (my sketch group)  videos yet, I've posted a link to them here!

Haagen Dazs Has Paninis: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVhwwUmsEf8&feature=related
 

Magician Obstetrician: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVhwwUmsEf8

Enjoy!