I'm Back!

This will be my first substantial blog post in about 2 months.  Who'd have thought that teaching takes a lot out of you?  When I first started this, I intended to post work regularly, and by regularly I meant every other day, if not every day.  Clearly, I have not lived up to that, and because I have lost your trust, you won't be checking this blog regularly, either.

It's funny that in our legal system, we're innocent until proven guilty, but in the court of public opinion of course, we are guilty until proven innocent.  To use a well-known example, Michael Jackson was accused of child sexual abuse but was never convicted, but the public will always believe that he had sex with kids, and he cannot prove his innocence, because it's hard to prove that you didn't have sex with someone, and also, he's dead.  And we want to believe that people who have easier lives than ours struggle with theirs because it makes it easier to accept that someone can have wealth and fame as long as they have their share of problems too.

But this line of thinking, "guilty until proven innocent", extends beyond legal issues.  When you start a new job, very often you're "incompetent until proven competent," which is fair; employers need to show restraint in praising an employee until he/she is certain that they can do the job.  

Among friends, however, this line of thinking can be damaging.  Let's take a 20-something male and call him Bill.  Bill's friends have noted to Bill that they don't think he will ever to run the marathon.  They have labeled him "incapable until proven capable."  Perhaps they have their reasons; Bill has never been in sterling shape.  He likes to stay indoors, sleep in, and watch HBO on Demand instead of spending that hour or two per day on exercise like many people do.  But Bill decides to train for a year and eventually completes that marathon.  Now his friends look foolish.

All of this is to say, we underestimate each other way too much.  Even among friends, I have encountered the attitude of, "I don't think he/she can do something until they show me they can."  This attitude isn't always mean-spirited, but it is often there.  Aren't friends supposed to assume the opposite?  I think we do this because it's comforting to freeze our images of our peers, to think that we're progressing while everyone else is staying the same.  But this is silly.  We would all be more mentally healthy if we admitted that everyone is constantly aspiring to improve themselves, which, of course, is the reality of life.