"Well if I knew the answer to that, I'd be working at the phone company, wouldn't I?"
We've all said things like this in the heat of anger (or frustration). But I think we're much more capable of mastering our anger than we realize. Not to get all Dr. Phil--I certainly don't have anything resembling a degree in psychology--but it's the truth. First of all, it's perfectly within reason that the store owner would have been able to figure out what was wrong with his landline by calling the phone company, making his co-conversationalist's question a valid one.
(Incidentally, there is a mural painted on the gate of this deli which you can see when it's closed for business; the mural depicts the owner and his 3 henchmen as cherubs; they are shirtless, winged, and have halos over their heads. Very strange, and gross, if you ask me, which you were about to.)
One final word; one time, I was delivered something by UPS. After the delivery man handed me the package, he walked away without asking me to sign. This was the first time I had not been asked to sign, and so when I asked him if I had to sign, he said, "Would I be walking away if you had to?" What if I had saved his ass by reminding him that I had to sign?
All of this is to remind ourselves that there are already enough reasons to snap at your fellow man, so we don't have to go looking for more.
I remember this every time i drive. it's not about your road or the other guy being an idiot. you never know anyone one person's circumstances. You learn a lot from reading just a little of David Foster Wallace
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ReplyDeleteTrue, true.
ReplyDeleteOf course, another challenge is to not react to snapping remarks. It's extremely difficult, but it's important to remember that people usually have a reason to behave the way they do.
I try to imagine what could possibly make someone so brittle that they'd bite my head off for the slightest reason - they might be suffering a bereavement, they might be in fear of losing their job or their marriage, their kids might be junkies... or maybe they just never learned how badly their short-temper affects other people. It doesn't go a very long way towards healing the stung feelings I get when I'm thrown involuntarily into a confrontational situation, but it helps me to not take on their issues as my own.
Once I was waiting in line, and the guy behind me was huffing and puffing impatiently because the people in front had finished their order and then remembered they wanted something else. I had flecks of his spit on the back of my neck (yeah, literally) because he wouldn't stop ranting about how they should go to the back of the line with their second order. I turned to him and calmly said "You're not making the line go any faster. It's only chocolate." He spluttered some more indignance (though thankfully not at me, specifically), and then stormed off. My heart was pounding and I felt nauseous, having actually had the nerve to speak up on behalf of the staff and other customers, but I was glad I said something and that I hadn't resorted to anger. My over-powering feeling about the whole event was "That poor man. What a miserable existence, to be so highly-strung and unreasonable".
So even if it's hard to understand the "why" behind why people fly off the handle sometimes (and who among us hasn't done that, at one time or another?), we can choose whether we contribute to a confrontation or help to defuse it.